“I’m a single mother to the most adorable two kids in this world. They’re 6 and 2 years old. I love them to death and want them to live the best life possible on Earth. About 6 months ago, my life suddenly became extremely difficult and hectic, that I couldn’t afford any minute of the day at home, let alone giving them any sort of love and attention.
I have a limited number of family members, and each has his own life and family to take care of. Therefore, I only have my housemaid to depend on for taking care of my kids during the day. She’s a great chef, she cleans quite well, and she can protect the house more than any trained guarding dog. She’s a expert in gardening, and has extraordinary sewing skills – she can fix anything up. She’s been with us for quite a while and understands the daily routine, both my children’s and my own needs. Basically, she’s our family’s Superman and I cannot believe my luck to have her. However, my housemaid secretly beats my kids up.
How did I find out? I saw the signs, on their frail bodies, and it couldn’t be anything, or anyone, else. I was completely shocked and couldn’t utter a word or look at her face for nearly 2 days. She was our fairy, our miracle! How was I supposed to react? The immediate thoughts were to get her out of the country. But then I decided to think more about it. It’s not only that I depend on her so much, but my kids ADORE her. Surely this means something? Surely it can’t be that bad; she might just finch them here and there every once in a while. I still don’t know how far she goes though.
But what if it was my sister instead of the housemaid? What if my sister did only half the wonderful things my housemaid does, yet she sometimes beat my kids? I wouldn’t have minded. I would’ve thought, “I’m sure they really got on her nerves that day and needed to be slightly punished...” or “She’s their aunt, she loves them, so she’ll never really be dangerous to them. Sometimes a little beating doesn’t hurt” or “If I were in her place, I’d probably do the same”. What difference does it make if the beating comes from my sister or my housemaid? Is there a difference at all?
So I decided, after weighing all my housemaid’s good qualities against the bad ones, that I’m OK with it. As long as she doesn’t cause them serious injuries. As long as she doesn’t cross the limits. I’m OK with my housemaid beating my kids up.”
What do you think?
P.S. Just in case you’re thinking it, the lady in the story is NOT ME. It’s just an imaginary scenario to stimulate some discussion.
P.P.S. Is anyone facing any problems when trying to comment on my blog? If yes, then please send me an email!
Tuesday 23 February 2010
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I would NOT be okay with that! If I wouldn't beat my kids, why would I be okay with someone else doing it?!
ReplyDeleteCairo,
ReplyDeleteBeating up the kids in Oman, and perhaps the Gulf in general, is an accepted way to punish/teach/force respect to MOST families. Not necessarily harsh beating, but it comes in one form or another. It's only the new generation that is changing this reality a bit. Only a bit.
And the scenario above, it's actually a real and recurring story simplified here.
every few years, there's a new finding on how physical punishment affects children. in india, as in this region, beating your child to enforce a lesson has been the norm for ages and i think most people turn out fine, ie. are respectful towards their families, take complete responsibility for their parents in old age, are successful professionals, partners and friends. as in in all cases, there are exceptions.
ReplyDeletepersonally, i have mixed feelings about physical punishment.
if administered too often, i think it loses its effect. if it is not tempered with love, i think it breeds hatred and anger.
i am a parent and understand that isolating children and giving them conditional love -- "i will only talk to you and be inclusive of you if you are good" -- which the West euphemistically calls a "time out" is far more damaging than a smack or two.
i wouldn't belt my kids or cane them or beat them in a way that would leave marks but i am not averse to the occasional smack on the hand to elicit immediate obedience in certain situations where there is physical danger.
but to come to your point - i would NEVER appreciate someone else beating my children when i am not around, be it my sister, my mum, my brother, my domestic help. simple because i wouldn't know the degree of beating and i wouldn't know why she did it -- was she just having a pissed off day (which is not the kids' fault) or did the kids merit a little whack?
I would not tolerate it even if it was my bro doing it (which i know he wouldn't dare). I mean though for some beating would be a way of disciplining their child i somehow find it crude and brutish!!
ReplyDeletebtw i did have issues posting on your blog earlier now i can :D!!! Very unique entry btw... and good layout!!
ohhhhh ur a single mom!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRestless Quill,
ReplyDeleteInteresting point you mention is that beating could be OK if it is DONE correctly. i.e. with love, not too harsh etc. I agree that the silent treatment with kids could be far worse than a smack or two, and that's what a lot of people don't realise.
Delta,
ReplyDeleteThanks! Appreciate it :) Keep visiting...
BuJ,
I suggest re-reading the post-script towards the end of the post if you haven't done so already ;)
hehe, i read it the first time, but i was acting stupid!!
ReplyDeleteit's a talent i have and use to wind people up :p
sorry, it's probably annoying and i should shut up!
- what do you mean by beat up???
ReplyDeleteslap them if they do something wrong or dangerous
hit them vindictively for no reason
physically assault them to make them cry
attack them to cause bleeding / injury
you said 'finch' (pinch?) - so if thats it all in all - keep her
Well
ReplyDeleteIts time to install hidden cams in the rooms and record whats happening to the kids when they are left alone with th maids. When it comes to kids you want to be sure you are doing the right thing.
Anon, I meant beating that isn't harsh - without causing physical injury, without crossing the limits
ReplyDeleteScarlet P,
To make sure she does not cross the limits, I guess cameras would be a good solution. Although spying isn't my thing!
Darling it isnt spying but it is surveillence
ReplyDeleteSome times ago i was emailed a link to a surveilence video of what was happening to a kid left alone with his maid(it happened in middleeast). It opened my eyes then,and i have been searching for that video in my inbox to show you
Stimulus.. a nanny-cam is not spying! it's your home (your in the general sense, not you in particular) your kids and if you are in a situation where you can't monitor things by being there, a nanny-cam is a good idea. because lord knows there's every kind of person out there!
ReplyDeleteI know the videos you're talking about Scarlet, and they're definitely quite scary. But I think that those extreme scenarios are a result of ignorance/carelessness from the parents, and their over-trust in the nanny before she deserves it.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I'm not against cameras. I'm just saying I don't feel comfortable installing one while living with the housemaid in the same house. I'd rather be closer to her, act like I'm her friend and keep a close eye on her - literally. But hey, if you're good at using a nanny-cam then you've got the right to do so!
I guess in the scenario mentioned in the post, a nanny-cam would be the best solution.
ohhh sorry for deleting the post-- I thought maybe people thought I sounded a bit pretentious so I deleted it.
ReplyDeleteI did it accessing the net on my mobile and copied the text but can't find a paste function to paste it back into the comment box. I am too lazy to re-type it LOL
anyhow, nanny cams are a great idea. though one thing I forgot to say... back in the US... a nanny and a maid are totally different things.. and yet over here (well, in UAE at least) people think a maid and a nanny are the same thing--like they can just hire anyone and think they will be able to handle the job.
in the US most couples I knew searched for a nanny by meeting with them, looking at their resumes (CVs), written recommendations from former employers etc...
the attitudes towards a nanny is different as well. I became like a part of the family...where if we went out to eat, I sat at the table with the family. over here in UAE I mostly see the maids/nannies sitting either at a different table, or they are running around with the children while the mother is eating either with her husband, or friends.
I don't know, but from my experience it would seem better to let the nanny be like a part of the family so they also love your children like they are family... but I guess its different strokes for different folks!
Yep it's the same in Oman: nannies, maids - they do EVERYTHING possible. Aside from the main job (cooking/cleaning) they take care of the kids, fix things in the house, sometimes buy groceries from a nearby shop, do massages, and, and, and...
ReplyDeleteBut having the nanny as part of the family would definitely help increase the trust, and make the nanny feel more responsible (rather than just treating the kids as another job).
However, I'm guessing that in the US a nanny would normally be American. in Oman, or the Gulf, nannies are usually Indians, Philipino, Indonesians etc. That doesn't mean they're bad or anything, it's just that they're from a different culture. That's why trust issues arise and hence their treatment differs.
Keep passing by Twizzle :)
Yeah, your right about the nannies being different nationalities.
ReplyDeleteI have actually discussed this before with my husband... that in the future if we are blessed with children, that if I ever wanted any sort of help here and there I wish I could hire like a local teen, or an expat teen to watch our child/children for some hours a couple to three days a week or so--like they would do in the US.
So yeah, I even have that "issue" in my own mind LOL!!!
Abuse physical and mental may come from anyone but most often from those whom we trust,who are supposed to take care and that makes it harder for those on the recieving end to trust people again in their life.
ReplyDeleteSo, Please dont be ok with it !
Interesting post!
ReplyDeleteWhat concerns me here is, how do you know about the amount of "beating"? Without a nanny-cam that is!
No. I am not taunting you, but it bothers me that you are walking the thin red line.
Today's its a "little" beating, tomorrow a "little" bit more, day after tomorrow, you come back to dead kids!
The argument is similar to your child stealing a "small" amount of cash to eat chocolate. You know about it but ignore it because you do not allow them to have it in your knowledge. So they steal money, have some chocolate and behave nice. No tantrums. You are happy, they are happy.
Then one day you have to bail them out from jail because they stole something much more than "little"
:-)
Ok. Sorry for all the taunting but Maid is NOT Mom, EVEN IF she is Superwoman!
If the house maid was really an angel as described, she would beat the kids as well when their mum is around not only when she isnt around. I personally do not want other people beating my kids. There are other ways to disciple kids.
ReplyDelete